MARK, MARK, MARK. ARE YOU KIDDING? WELL LET ME TELL YOU THIS, FRIENDS.
I AM NOT KIDDING.
screaming “aye aye cap’n” loudest during the spongebob intro to establish dominance over your friends
did you hear about the italian chef who died?
he pasta way
he just ran out of thyme
here today, gone tomato
his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it
we never sausage a tragedy coming
ashes to ashes, crust to crust
there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world
"it’s not gay if it’s in a threeway" one straight man says to another straight man. there is a third straight man waiting in the bedroom. the rule somehow still applies.
- 15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
- me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance
it is I: Corporate Meme Man. i’m down with the kids, the memes, and the social media. hey teens, isn’t it #awkward when your parents walk in on you looking up big sexy hentai girls on your new iphone 5c purchased on Amazon for $499.00?
LETS LIVE IN A TREE. LETS GO OUT AND LIVE IN A FUCKING TREE. ITLL BE GREAT ITLL BE FUCKING PERFECT.